December 6-7, 1997

Carolyn Slaughter

The Long Days Of Doubt
I don’t know about you, but I swear there have been times in my life when
God has sent one of his angels to walk beside me - times when I have been touched by an angel! In May of 1982 I stood beside my dad’s bed in Bethesda Hospital in Cincinnati. I watched as the movement on the left side of his body disappeared and he was rushed back into surgery. We were told he had passed a blood clot from his first surgery and suffered a major stroke.

I Peter 5:6-9
6: Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same experience of suffering is required of your brotherhood throughout the world.
7: Cast all your anxieties on him, for he cares about you.
8: Be sober, be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking some one to devour.
9: Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same experience of suffering is required of your brotherhood throughout the world.

As my mom, sister and I waited during surgery, God sent his reassurance through the sense of a warm presence with us. We hung onto scripture from the book of I Peter 5: 7-10 for hope: "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you...After you have suffered for a little while, God himself will restore you and make you strong." God will lift you up in due time......The warmth of that promise continued on through rehab and the homecoming.
As days stretched into months and months into years, my questions began to grow. God, there’s not much improvement, where’s the restoration? Hasn’t this suffering gone on for more than a little while? Ten long years of life being totally different than what Mom and Dad had ever expected or planned on. I think we struggled as much as Dad did. It’s hard to stand by and watch someone you love suffer, to have them withdraw from you. It was hard to watch Mom work so hard and begin to age as a result.
I kept looking for traces of the angel who brought promises of God’s comfort and healing. I looked to where the angel had been, and all I saw was a leftover pile of feathers. Obviously, that angel was out of there.....God, where’s your angel? Each year the number of feathers, the reminders of God’s promise got fewer and fewer. Where’s the result of the miracle we thought would happen? I kept looking for that day when Dad would rise up out of his chair and walk - no, run - with a whole, working body. Instead, we just kept moving through a long string of ordinary days while nothing seemed to be happening.
The miracle of Dad’s restoration happened in a way we didn’t expect. On May 1, 1992, Dad was lifted up. It was only after he died that I could see the miracle had taken place. He was fully restored, only in death, not life.
I learned a lot about miracles over those years. I learned miracles can take a long time. I learned that miracles are more about stretches of ordinary days and God forming us than about instant flashes of light. The few supernatural days we may experience are based on thousands of ordinary days and how we live those days out.

Luke 1:38
38: And Mary said, "Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word." And the angel departed from her.

We’re talking about the Mary Miracle - this thirteen year old chosen by God to carry his entrance into the world. I think Mary learned a lot about the miracle she was carrying, too. Look with me at Luke 1. A miracle may ignite in a moment; it may even cause a temporary adrenaline rush. But look at what happened to Mary in verse 38: after she received her miracle, "then the angel left her." No living in the glow of an angelic visitation - she was on her own now.
Miracles call for a mindset. Not only do I believe this promise of God can happen in me and through me - I have to realize that I have to walk in this promise long term. After the exhilaration passes and things settle down, I have to figure out how to live out the ordinary days till that miracle comes full term.
When Mary was alone again, I’m sure her questions began: Did I really hear what I thought I heard? Did I talk myself into believing God is going to do something great through me? Why do I feel so unsupernatural? Now what??
How about those of us here today.......our experiences may be reinforcing our doubt. We may have heard God’s promise that our marriage is going to be healed and we’ll have the relationship we’ve always dreamed of with our spouse - only to get sucked into a fierce argument and feel further apart than ever. Or did you hear the promise that God is going to get your child back on the right track? And he goes on a binge with a bunch of his buddies. So you thought this new job was going to be so great and now, a few months in, you’re wondering why you ever bothered to change jobs in the first place.
When the awesome experience ends, reality sets in. In the everyday, the voice of the angel becomes less clear. Mary had to have her bouts with doubt. She had to have a human response to what was going on inside her. If Jesus was both God and man, then Mary provided the human half of the gene pool for him. Mary was His fully human mother. She had to have the responses any human would have - the whole gamut of emotions.
Miracles change everything - And don’t many of us react to new things out of fear? Mary had to wonder: "What is going to happen to me? Will Joseph ditch me? After all, he has the right to walk out on me. The Law says so. Will he think his reputation is more important than me?"
Fear can slide into denial. "But, on the other hand, I don’t look pregnant. I don’t feel any different. I’ll bet I dreamed up that angel - and boy, do I wish I hadn’t ordered anchovies on that pizza the other night! I’ll make this look like it’s not happening and we can just get on with life......" And we can slip into anger. "By the way, God, why me? Why do I have to be singled out? Why not Rachel? Where’s that angel?? I’d like to negotiate this. Where’s Roma Downey when you need her?? Anyway, this is a stupid way to bring God into the world! Just bring on that conquering hero on a white stallion like everyone’s expecting and leave me out of this! All I ever wanted was just a normal life - to marry a good man, settle down and raise a family. I’m just a little irritated here."
Do you have the idea of a Mary with a halo and no feelings? Mary was human just like us. And carrying a miracle to birth can bring any soul through times of exhaustion, discomfort, depression. Do you think Mary ever reached the point of asking, "Should I go through with this?" How many of us in this room can relate? God’s voice seems clear at first, then we don’t seem to feel him any more; he seems distant. Before you know it, we’re out the back door and maybe even out of the church.
What distinguishes a person who hangs on and carries the miracle of God to full term? The same qualities Mary displayed: maturity and character - not acting on feelings but out of our relationship with God, trusting and obeying him. When we are impregnated with God’s miracle, how do we work through the long string of ordinary days when nothing seems to happen and our feelings try to overwhelm and control us?
My pregnancies were two of the most wonderful times in our lives - nine months of preparation to receive two wonderful gifts: Kristen and Jonathan. Yet, there sure were days when I didn’t want to be pregnant and when I wanted this over with now! Michael too! All miracles have some preparation time. Too many of us give up before the miracle occurs. We get caught up in feelings and bail
What did Mary do to get through all of those ordinary days? If we’re going to make it, bring this baby in for a landing, let’s do what Mary did:

I. Simplify Your Focus
Mary kept her focus on one thing: responding to God. We have to keep our eyes on: the miracle maker, not the miracle the giver of gifts, not the gift Jesus, not my situation and its impact.
Mary chose to trust God and focus on his promise. What does it mean to focus on God? It means to seek him, to want to be in a relationship with him enough to prioritize time with him. God says that when we seek him we will find him. He’s not playing cosmic hide and go seek with us, but wants to be with us enough that He is willing to invest his miracles in our lives.
Where are you looking for God? In the tinsel, the packages, the baking and entertaining, the feelings? The special feelings surrounding Christmas are a false substitute for the reality of knowing the God who entered our world to be with us! We find him in relationship - that takes clearing out other distractions to focus on Him.
We crave depth in our life - the answer to "There must be more to life than this." Or, "How do I get through today?" Most of us are living and responding to life on the surface. That is where the feelings are and is why we so often feel like we’re being tossed about by the waves of life. Calm water is always below the surface. The deeper you go, the calmer the water is. The deeper we are in relationship with Jesus, the more calm we are in the face of circumstances.

Luke 1:49
49: for he who is mighty has done great things for me, and holy is his name.

Maintaining our focus, developing depth in our relationship with Christ, always point us back to who the source of our miracle. Mary identified him: "the mighty one who has done great things for me!"
You know, we’ve got to do this. It isn’t enough to just come here and listen. That won’t change your life! Some of us are still on shore watching while others swim deeper and deeper. We have to go from here and do what we’re hearing. Unless you’re purposefully developing your relationship with God during your ordinary days, you’ll just be watching, floating or sinking and God’s miracle will never develop in your life.

II. Seek Out A Mentor
Luke 1:39-42
39: In those days Mary arose and went with haste into the hill country, to a city of Judah,
40: and she entered the house of Zechari'ah and greeted Elizabeth.
41: And when Elizabeth heard the greeting of Mary, the babe leaped in her womb; and Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit
42: and she exclaimed with a loud cry, "Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb!

Now, look in verse 39. What was the first thing Mary did after the angel left her? She hurried to her cousin Elizabeth. She left home pretty fast! Ever wonder what the reaction of her own family was? I think I’d probably not want to face my dad in the same situation!! Mary sought out a safe place, with an understanding person to work through what this miracle would mean to her. Elizabeth served two purposes for Mary:
She confirmed Mary’s miracle. Listen to Elizabeth’s greeting, starting in verse 42. "Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the child you will bear! But, why am I so favored that the mother of my Lord should come to me?...Blessed is she who has believed what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished!" A mentor fleshes out the voice of God. An angel may be unseen and may speak only to our spirit. But, that human voice speaks confirmation of God’s work in our lives. In fact, the most common way of hearing God’s voice is through other people.
When we say, "Where’s the angel," our mentor can say, "Yes, there was an angel and what he said is true."
Elizabeth was there to walk the journey with Mary because she understood the situation. She herself was experiencing a miraculous pregnancy after battling infertility for years. Don’t pick just anyone and call them your mentor. We need to learn from someone whose miracle is further along than ours. Elizabeth’s pregnancy and experience of God was six months ahead of Mary’s. Spending time walking with those ahead of you is critical. You need someone who’s been there, done that, so they can lead you. What we don’t need is a pooling of ignorance. You’ve got to do this to survive in your walk with Christ. God never intended for us to walk through life alone. He has provided special people in each of our lives. We have to reach out and hook up with them.
A woman named Margaret Therkelsen has played this role in my life. We met on a women’s retreat, and actually, she sought me out. Coming from a pastor’s family, she is very sensitive to what goes on in the lives of ministry families. Picking up on my distress over my dad’s illness and the void in my marriage, she made herself available to be my sounding board and my spiritual counselor. She lived in Lexington, Kentucky, and I lived here in Tipp City, but she arranged to drive and meet me at the Florence Mall in northern Kentucky. We’d sit in her car in First’s parking lot and talk and pray. Margaret is light years ahead of me in prayer and could pull me along, showing me how to pray through my ordinary days as well as praying through them for me.

III. SING A JOYFUL SONG
You know, as you go through scripture you might notice something strange! People sing! Mary breaks forth here out of a deep sense of gratitude to God for what he is doing in her life. Michael led us through her song during our prayer time today.
How many of us get stuck in our feelings and slip into resentment and bitterness - angry at God for not being fast enough or not doing things our way?
Even during all those days when she was stressed, strained, questioning, discouraged and just plain uncomfortable, she chose to face her days with a good attitude and to praise God instead of grumbling at him. Her song focuses on one central point: "The Lord is the source of my miracle and I will serve him!"
The result was renewed strength to get through her ordinary days. In the Old Testament book of Nehemiah, we’re told "the joy of the Lord is our strength." It gives us the ability to take this miracle full term.
You know, we each sing in different ways. We aren’t all Julie Andrews singing on a mountaintop. If all we can do is make "joyful noise", God hears it and it’s beautiful music in his ears; we’ll express our gratitude and joy differently. Sing a heart song. Do it your way. Listen and hum along! Dance! Serve! The important things is that it all will come out of maintaining our focus and recognizing "the Lord is the source of my miracle and I will serve Him!"
Each of us has a miracle implanted in us, waiting to be born. Where are you in the process? There’s probably an area where each of us feels left by an angel. Maybe you’re at a point where all you’re seeing is feathers.
Regardless of feelings, regardless of how ordinary your days, God Himself has planted His miracle in you. Angels come and go, but the promises of God stay. We are in a season celebrating the coming of His promise to us. We are going to take some time now to talk to God individually. Do you need to simplify your focus and need Him to help you? Is their a potential mentor in your life that He can help you identify? Are you able to praise God regardless of your situation now? Take time to work it out with Him now.

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